"Weird Al" Yankovic

Alanis Morissette and I actually used to date. I especially liked it when we went to the movies.

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

I wrote "Eat It" because I wanted to buy a banana boat for Christmas. It worked.

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

I have very mixed feelings about [Napster]. On one hand, I'm concerned that the rampant downloading of my copyright-protected material over the Internet is severely eating into my album sales and having a decidedly adverse effect on my career. On the other hand, I can get all the Metallica songs I want for FREE! WOW!!!!!

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

What kind of bananas do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat?

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

I think my chances of getting into the Rock 'N' Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli's.

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

Right now I'm listening to a lot of Top 40 music, because THAT'S MY JOB.

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

If money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it.

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child.

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

I'll never forget the first thing she said to me, she said: "Hey - you've got weasels on your face." Right then I knew it was true love.

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media I edit Wikipedia

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

I'm nerdy in the extreme Whiter than sour cream

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

I sued Taco Bell To dry off my cat!

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

Oh, you don't wanna mess with the R-I-double-A They'll treat you like the evil, hard-bitten, criminal scum you are

— "Weird Al" Yankovic

Never had a date That you couldn't inflate

— "Weird Al" Yankovic