Spike Milligan

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

— Spike Milligan

The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.'

— Spike Milligan

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

— Spike Milligan

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

— Spike Milligan

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

— Spike Milligan

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

— Spike Milligan

Are you going to come along quietly, or am I going to have to use ear plugs?

— Spike Milligan

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

— Spike Milligan

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

— Spike Milligan

A lot of learning canbe a little thing.

— Spike Milligan

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

— Spike Milligan

The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.'

— Spike Milligan

If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.

— Spike Milligan

On the Ning Nang NongWhen the cows go bong!

— Spike Milligan

God made nightMan made darkness.

— Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

— Spike Milligan

The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.'

— Spike Milligan

The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.'

— Spike Milligan

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

— Spike Milligan

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

— Spike Milligan

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

— Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

— Spike Milligan

(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".

— Spike Milligan

Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

— Spike Milligan

The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.'

— Spike Milligan

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

— Spike Milligan

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

— Spike Milligan

The lunacy continues and has every chance of becoming a way of life unless we stop it soon. Men are getting so used to wars that the psychiatric wing of the RAMC are planning how to break the news to the men when the war is over.

— Spike Milligan

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

— Spike Milligan

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

— Spike Milligan