Robert Patrick (playwright)

Reverend Lawson: You men are homosexual!Bob (correcting the Reverend): Homosexuals.

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

Reverend Lawson:This entire book is nothing but young men doing homosexual things together.Bill: Well, what else could they do together?

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

Reverend Lawson:You lured those boys in here and made filth of them!Bob: Tinglin' with kisses an' love.

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

Bob: People came here for religious freedom, and we worshipped those boys.

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

Don't bother answering back. Anything said to me at this point might as well be written on a decomposing squash. The brain goes first, you know -- except the portions dedicated to pain, which are apparently immune.

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

I want to give [my records] all away before some fool plays disco at my funeral, and then the record gets stuck, and nobody can tell, and the service goes on forever!

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

God, think of the great men that have nibbled on me, and now I'm nothing but a snack for a virus - something that can't even decide if it's a plant or an animal.

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

I tried to make up by offering to be a subject for any cute tricks that science might want to try. And [the doctor] said, "Mr. Wood, we cannot use you as an experimental animal," and I tod him, "Doc, I’m an effeminate queer, I’ve never been used as anything else!"

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

When I was just a little girl in East Bay, California, I noticed that East Bay was pig Latin for “beast.” But I knew I had found my niche when I realized that Alice Faye was pig Latin for "phallus."

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

It's my party and I'll die if I want to!

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

Must one go through the five official stages? What are those five stages again: "anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance." Well, back up: here comes my acceptance speech. "I am now, and I have always been a flaming faggot, responsible for style in its every manifestation. I have my own five steps: flippancy, sentimentality, sarcasm, camp, and smut. They've got me through life, and deity dammit, they'll get me through death!"

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

You're right, you're always right, yes, yes, of course. Love will survive. They couldn't kill it with purple hair-do's, they can't kill it with a plague. Boys will fall in love with each other's earlobes if all else should fail. Because it never really was about sex, was it? It was about love.

— Robert Patrick (playwright)

If you have to do something, write me a funny AIDS play. Sure you can. It's the biggest joke played on us since sex itself - and with the longest punch line.

— Robert Patrick (playwright)