Robert Orben

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

— Robert Orben

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

— Robert Orben

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

— Robert Orben

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

— Robert Orben

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

— Robert Orben

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

— Robert Orben

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

— Robert Orben

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

— Robert Orben

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

— Robert Orben

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

— Robert Orben

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

— Robert Orben

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

— Robert Orben

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

— Robert Orben

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

— Robert Orben

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

— Robert Orben

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

— Robert Orben

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

— Robert Orben