Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Constitutionally I don't exist.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

There is nothing like it for morale to be reminded that the years are passing—ever more quickly—and that bits are dropping off the ancient frame. But it is nice to be remembered at all.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Is it made with Liffey water?

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Have you run over anybody?

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

You have mosquitoes. I have the Press.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

British women can't cook.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

It seems to me that it's the best way of wasting money that I know of. I don't think investments on the moon pay a very high dividend.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

For conservation to be successful it is necessary to take into consideration that it is a characteristic of man that he can only be relied upon to do anything consistently which is in his own interest. He may have occasional fits of conscience and moral rectitude but otherwise his actions are governed by self-interest. It follows then that whatever the moral reasons for conservation it will only be achieved by the inducement of profit or pleasure.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

It is an old cliche to say that the future is in the hands of the young. This is no longer true. The quality of life to be enjoyed or the existence to be survived by our children and future generations is in our hands now.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

I just wonder what it would be like to be reincarnated in an animal whose species had been so reduced in numbers than it was in danger of extinction. What would be its feelings toward the human species whose population explosion had denied it somewhere to exist... I must confess that I am tempted to ask for reincarnation as a particularly deadly virus.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still trying to dry out Windsor Castle.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

You can't have been here that long—you haven't got a pot belly.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Aren't most of you descended from pirates?

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

You are a woman, aren't you?

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

You managed not to get eaten then?

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Do you still throw spears at each other?

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Do you know they're now producing eating dogs for the anorexics?

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Ah good, there's so many over there you feel they breed them just to put in orphanages.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

It looks as if it was put in by an Indian.

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

You look like you’re ready for bed!

— Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh