Mort Sahl

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

— Mort Sahl

My humor was Victorian - and still is.

— Mort Sahl

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference. (1987)

— Mort Sahl

I was on stage last night, and I gave a medical report about Donald Trump. I said he was hospitalized for an attack of modesty.

— Mort Sahl

Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.

— Mort Sahl

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

— Mort Sahl

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning 50 feet off shore, he'd throw you a 30 foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way. (1973)

— Mort Sahl

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

— Mort Sahl

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

— Mort Sahl

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

— Mort Sahl

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.

— Mort Sahl

You haven't lived until you've died in California.

— Mort Sahl

I found people looked better when they laughed.

— Mort Sahl

My life needs editing.

— Mort Sahl

I used to go to two movies every week for the Saturday matinee when I was a kid.

— Mort Sahl

My life needs editing.

— Mort Sahl

My life needs editing.

— Mort Sahl

I didn't think that anything is beyond humor - not profane humor, but a good, honest approach to humor.

— Mort Sahl