Judith Martin

Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette.

— Judith Martin

Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children.

— Judith Martin

Civilized life begins with a boiled egg sitting upright in an egg cup.

— Judith Martin

Dear Miss Manners: What about Easter? I suppose you have etiquette rules that apply to Easter Day?Gentle Reader: Certainly, and when the Day of Judgment comes, Miss Manners will have etiquette rules to apply to that, as well.

— Judith Martin

Dear Miss Manners: What should I say when I am introduced to a homosexual "couple?"Gentle Reader: "How do you do?" "How do you do?"

— Judith Martin

Dear Miss Manners: What is the proper way to eat potato chips?Gentle Reader: With a knife and fork. A fruit knife and an oyster fork, to be specific. Good heavens, what is the world coming to? Miss Manners does not mind explaining the finer points of gracious living, but she feels that anyone without the sense to pick up a potato chip and stuff it in their face should probably not be running around loose on the streets.

— Judith Martin

Miss Manners doubts that there is anything in the world like an elegantly dressed Bostonian lurching across the room and diving face first into a bowl of guacamole dip while simultaneously disengaging her bodice from her bosom. Therefore, Miss Manners has a wee bit of trouble preparing a general rule for dealing with this eventuality.

— Judith Martin

If you put together all the ingredients that naturally attract children - sex, violence, revenge, spectacle and vigorous noise - what you have is grand opera.

— Judith Martin

Traditionally, a luncheon is a lunch that takes an eon.

— Judith Martin

In a fit of exasperation, Miss Manners once demanded of a six-year-old person how it could be so childish and was forced to admit the justice of its reply, “I'm a child."

— Judith Martin