Johnny Carson

Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, somebody can — and will.

— Johnny Carson

It was so hot today I saw a robin dipping his worm in Nestea. It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself."

— Johnny Carson

I did not know that.

— Johnny Carson

People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted... it was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances.

— Johnny Carson

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

— Johnny Carson

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

— Johnny Carson

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

— Johnny Carson

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

— Johnny Carson

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

— Johnny Carson

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

— Johnny Carson

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

— Johnny Carson

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

— Johnny Carson

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

— Johnny Carson

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

— Johnny Carson

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

— Johnny Carson

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

— Johnny Carson

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

— Johnny Carson

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

— Johnny Carson

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

— Johnny Carson