George Burns

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

— George Burns

At my age flowers scare me.

— George Burns

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

— George Burns

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

— George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

— George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

— George Burns

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

— George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

— George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

— George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

— George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

— George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

— George Burns

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

— George Burns

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

— George Burns

I've had worried parents come up to me and ask me for advice. They'll say "I don't know what to do. My teenage son won't cut his hair, he drives too fast, and I don't know what that stuff is he listens to, but it sure isn't music." I'll just say to them "I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. By the time he's my age, I don't think you'll need to worry about him anymore."

— George Burns

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

— George Burns

If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.

— George Burns

At my age, all my friends, doctors, and attorneys are dead. The good thing about this is that there's no one left who can refute my stories.

— George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

— George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

— George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

— George Burns

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

— George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

— George Burns

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

— George Burns

At my age flowers scare me.

— George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

— George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

— George Burns

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

— George Burns

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

— George Burns

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

— George Burns

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

— George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

— George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

— George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

— George Burns

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

— George Burns

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

— George Burns