Dave Allen

I still think of myself as I was 25 years ago. Then I look in a mirror and see an old bastard and realise it's me.

— Dave Allen

I don't go out of my way to be outrageous, I just go out of my way to look at things.

— Dave Allen

I've stopped smoking... I think the cost was a lot of it, and not being able to breathe. I first gave up smoking when I was eight.

— Dave Allen

We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they [fucking] give us? A clock.

— Dave Allen

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

— Dave Allen

I'm an Atheist...thank God.

— Dave Allen