Chuck Klosterman

Seeing no resolution to my existential recognition of loss, I decide to eat lunch.

— Chuck Klosterman

The Joker was Batman's nemesis, but-ironically-his archenemy was Superman, since Superman made Batman entirely mortal and generally nonessential. Nobody likes to admit this, but Batman fucking hated Superman; Superman is the reason Batman became an alcoholic.

— Chuck Klosterman

Within the context of life, I am the centrist pragmatist who doesn't even vote; within the context of sports, I am a potential war criminal.

— Chuck Klosterman

But I still feel like I lost.

— Chuck Klosterman

In Fargo, they say, well, that's a job. How well do you get paid? For example, for this book I was written about in Entertainment Weekly, and it was kind of cool because my mom asked me if Entertainment Weekly was a magazine or a newspaper.

— Chuck Klosterman

Real people are actively trying to live like fake people, so real people are no less fake. Every comparison becomes impractical. This is why the impractical has become totally acceptable; impracticality almost seems cool.

— Chuck Klosterman

Important things are inevitably cliché.

— Chuck Klosterman

Psychologically, the internet is very marxist. Everyone with a modem has access to the same information, so we all get jammed into a technological middle class.

— Chuck Klosterman

Even eternally free people are enslaved by the process of living.

— Chuck Klosterman

This is the kind of shit that would prompt Tyler Durden to hit somebody in the face.

— Chuck Klosterman

Whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience the kind of mind-blowing, transcendent romantic relationship they perceive to be a normal part of living. And someone needs to take the fall for this. So instead of blaming no one (which is kind of cowardly) or blaming everyone (which is kind of meaningless), I'm going to blame John Cusack.

— Chuck Klosterman

Were there really this many women in 1985 saying to their husbands, "Gee, honey, I'd love to have random strangers masturbate to a jpeg image of me deepthroating a titanium dildo, but there's no medium for that. Guess we'll have to watch 'Falcon Crest.'

— Chuck Klosterman

This SimChuck is one suave bastard.

— Chuck Klosterman

We smooch hardcore.

— Chuck Klosterman

But the bottom line is that I am still willing to die a painful public death, assuming my execution destroys the game of soccer (or - at the very least - convinces people to shut up about it).

— Chuck Klosterman