Alan Clark

You cannot come here because you are not white.

— Alan Clark

John Pilger: I read that you were a vegetarian and you are seriously concerned about the way animals are killed. Alan Clark: Curiously not.

— Alan Clark

The only solution for dealing with the IRA is to kill 600 people in one night.

— Alan Clark

I am not a fascist. Fascists are shopkeepers, I am a Nazi.

— Alan Clark

So what does it matter where it was when it was hit? We could have sunk it if it'd been tied up on the quayside in a neutral port and everyone would still have been delighted.

— Alan Clark

I only can properly enjoy carol services if I am having an illicit affair with someone in the congregation. Why is this? Perhaps because they are essentially pagan, not Christian, celebrations.

— Alan Clark

I fell into conversation with Douglas. His is a split personality. À deux he is delightful; clever, funny, observant, drily cynical. But get him anywhere near "display mode", particularly if there are officials around, and he might as well have a corncob up his arse. Pompous, trite, high-sounding, cautiously guarded.

— Alan Clark

I want to fire the whole lot. Instantly. Out, out. No "District" commands, no golden bowlers, nothing. Out … If I could, I'd do what Stalin did to Tukhachevsky.

— Alan Clark

I am confirmed in my opinion that it is hopeless here. All we can do is arm the Orangemen – to the teeth – and get out.

— Alan Clark